Fragmented Memories
by TwistedWizardsLover
Summary: Painful memories of a sin, of a love affair between Alex and Justin. When all that love and secretes come crashing down in the open for everyone to see, they panic and their parents aren't accepting. The thoughts and ideas of what went on and for how long breaks the family apart. With Alex on threads, Justin snaps and breaks them, causing her to fall to pieces. Love and angst. R&R.
1. Banished

**_Fragmented Memories _**

**_Written by: Twisted Wizards_**

Sitting beside the window, watching the downpour flooding the street, I could not help but feel the sense of abandonment. I mean sure, I heard about it or watched it on TV, but never actually had I understood what that term truly meant. It was not just the heart breaking, nor was it was the endless nights in tears. For me, it meant that I was alone, and I have to say, it really _sucks_.

Now that everyone had given up on me one by one, there was no real reason to stay in New York, at least not while I was unwanted for what I did. Punishment shall fit the crime they say, but was having loved someone equal to this exile, this painfully sad ending to a depressing romance novel. I exhaled harshly, turning my head to the board of trains as I swallowed the sudden urge to break down in tears, yet again.

In front of me had stood a man looking around, his short black hair made my throat tighten in anticipation. _'Did he come to stop me, coming to claim me as his, really here to proclaim his forbidden and sinful love for me?'_

When this man turned around I had realized my foolish mistake and cleared my throat, my eyes beginning to sting. The stranger walked away, leaving me alone with my festering hopeless thoughts of a perfect end to my fairy tale. I had to face my reality, which even though magic existed does not mean there is magic in love. That was ridiculous; someone who was in love came up with, saying that their significant other provided passion that felt like magic, when I know magic felt tingly and not fiery. Completely different, only a sad co-dependent _moron _would believe in that crap which was only subjective really.

_'You're only insulting yourself when you say that you know…' _there I go again, talking to myself. At least I had the decency to talk inside my head instead of going full out mental from the loneliness.

"Train 204, to Boston is now boarding." I sighed reaching for my two bags that lie beside my bench and made my way towards my one-way ticket to deportation, well from my old life as a wizard that was.

Stopping one last time to look back for him, just seeing if he did not really mean it, or anything he had said in that heated spur of the moment. I watched all the faceless people pass me by as the tears started again, straining to see him, even if it was to say a final goodbye. He was not going to come get me; he does not love me the same way, like he had said.

**_"You WORTHLESS disgusting whore, don't you get it? I could never truly love you, because you're my little SISTER."_**

I handed the women my ticket wiping away that tears that stained my cheek with pain and whimpered. Those words echoed soundly in my ears as if he was sitting next to me on the train, spitting them at me until the sunk in deep enough to cut. What he does not know, is that they had already cut me deeper than anything ever had before.

When I walked into my personal bunker, I sat down resting my head against the cold glass window, just letting the tears go. Letting go of my love for anything, and everything, even if I tried I could not hate him for saying those things. I loved him more than anything and if I could not prove that to him today, maybe sometime in the future.

The past three years had been drowning with difficulties, where love had its high and suicide was top priority. Where he once said I love you too and where my mom walked out on us because of what happened. I guess I see it now, my love destroyed our family, and maybe exile was a fit punishment after all. Maybe, just maybe loving someone too much can blind you from the truth of what is happening. Maybe I opened my eyes just a little too late.

How this all happened, was one simple dream, where I was sitting next to him, and we kissed. Where I realized I was in love with him, and chaos ensued. When I fell in love with him my world flipped upside down, now all I can think of is Justin Russo, the man I love and the man that I made love to countless times. The same one related to me, the Justin Russo that was, is, and always will be, my _brother._

The question is how do you carry on, when the person you love the most, hates you?

**_Author Note, this story just came to me and I had to put it up. This is just a little portion of the aftermath. The next chapter will start at the beginning where everything just started, and will continue until we catch up with the present date. I love my followers and realize I should have finished my other story before starting this one, but hey, the more the merrier, right? Love, review. Let me know whether you like where this could be headed. So far, I have mapped out in my head the whole story, just need to get it onto paper._**

**_My apologies for the short length of the chapter, starting next chapter they will be a lot longer, okay, maybe not that long. Just a little bit. Smiles oddly._**


	2. Secrets

_Alex's Point of view_

**_Three years ago_**

**_Chapter Two: Secrets _**

I know that there is a difference between what **is** right and what **feels** right. The question is do I really care if my true happiness is a simple step away in a bad direction. To answer that, it's constantly changing for me, as if the needle is stuck between two groves on a record. Repeatedly playing until I step right or left.

Everybody just assumes that because I am Alex Russo, I will always go left, away from standard protocol, because I don't care about consequences. Which is debatable really, I just choose the route that feels right, not caring about anyone's feelings. Saying 'screw everyone else'. It just so happens to be a left turn most of the time. Believe it or not, I hate to disappoint the people I love. I just don't want anyone else to see that, especially my family. Maybe, in some weird way it's what I tell myself at night to sleep better.

That thought made me giggle slightly under my breath hand's in my jacket pockets as I approached Dean, pulling a cigarette from his chapped lips.

"S'funny Russo?" He puffed a cloud of hot burning smoke in my direction then ran a hand though his slicked back greasy hair.

"Nothing, just thinking." I sighed then crossed my arms as his posse showed up around the corner of the building. Shivering from the cold I huffed, the school looked so dead at nighttime.

"Want one?" Dean handed me a cigarette and he slid it between my two pouted lips. He lit it, the nicotine relaxing me instantly.

"So, are we doing this or what?" I raised my eyebrow challenging Dean to do something, but he just smirked. I breathed the smoldering drug toxins out my nose slowly. Pulling the cigarette from my lips and let it sit between my fingers. He took a step closer, the smoke bathing my already flushed face as he dropped the used bud. Grinding it beneath his the heel of his shoe, while his hand made its way pulling me up against him. Holding my posture, I peaked up at his dangerous eyes under my black bangs. I put the bud back between my lips once more, inhale, and exhale.

"Someone's a little eager." He breathed and I pushed him away making everyone laugh; he shook his head and nodded. "Yeah, I am ready, are you, Russo?" I smirked, and placed my hands upon my hips after I tossed the half-used bud onto the ground.

"What does it look like?" I asked and he just chuckled.

"Looks like you're trying too hard." He nudged to his boys and they all laughed again.

"Fuck off Dean, let's just do this already." I bit and headed to the back gym door before them. Making sure no one was around I pulled out my wand. After whispering the spell, I opened the door and shoved my wand back in my boot.

"Eh, Russo. You never showed us you had they key." I smiled as they walked up to the already open door.

"Perks of living, with the school dork-o." I bit upon my bottom lips trying to hide my smile. "The only I might add..." I scoffed then we all walked into the gym. We went into the locker room and sat down upon benches, or the ground.

I sat between Dean's legs upon the ground wrapping my arms around his neck, turning me so I was facing him. He smirked, leaning towards me and his lips found my neck, sucking on the dip in my right collarbone. I moaned lightly, forgetting where we were, earning some hoots and whistles. I tried to pull away slightly embarrassed by the audience, but was stopped when Dean moved so that I was laying upon the cold tile ground.

"Relax Russo…," he mumbled against my skin, and I shifted uncomfortably. He seemed to get the picture and rolled over. "You know you always get like this, it's just sex sweetheart, get over it." Then he got up and pulled out another cigarette. I got up and fallowed him out of the locker room and he smirked. "Fine, sorry for my boys. They can be real pigs sometimes." I just nodded as he burned though another bud.

"It's fine." I said as I leaned against the wall, he walked over towards me and leaned towards me, placing his lips against mine. They held an over all wet feeling, nothing like the movies portrayed that is. No stars, no magic, no fire. His hand went from my thigh, up to my breast, kneading it roughly. I winced lightly, attempting to pull away. "Dean…" I whispered. He ignored me and made his way under my shirt. "Dean, stop, please." I tried to push him away and his other hand went under my skirt, his calloused fingers playing with the band of my panties.

"When a girl says stop," Dean pulled back and chuckled. "usually means, you need to stop." I looked at him over Dean's shoulder and groaned. What was _he_, doing here?

"Ah, older Russo, isn't it like past your bedtime or something?" Dean turned to look at him, and that's when a fist went flying. I gasped as Dean doubled over laughing holding his face. "You sure have a mean left hook." I stood between them.

"Stop it." I snapped and grabbed Justin by the arm pulling him out the propped open back door. "Shit, what was that Justin? Punching my boyfriend?" I hissed and he rolled his eyes at me.

I crossed my arms glaring, but he didn't care; he just grabbed my wrist and started pulling me away from the door. I yanked away; irritated he came here, punches my boyfriend, and then pulled me away from the school.

"The hell Justin." I rubbed my pained wrist and he rolled his just eyes. "Did you fallow me, come here to make a scene?"

"What are you doing Alex?" He stood there; his eyes were dark and angry. "With _him_ and his _gang_." He growled.

"I can do whatever I want, with, whomever I choose, so piss off and go home." I started to walk back when he abruptly yanked me back up against his hard chest. With the air knocked out of me, I chocked lightly, breathing upon his face. Looking it his eyes as they softened for a second, then were even fierier than before.

"Were you,_ smoking_?" He snarled and gripped my upper arm. I rolled my eyes, and attempted to pull away. "Answer me, or I tell mom and dad everything I have been covering for you for the past year or so." I huffed.

"Why do you even care?" I pouted looking away; I couldn't bare the disappointment I heard in his voice.

"Why- why do I care?" He repeated and I felt his hand pull me too look at him. "Alex, I care for you, you're my sister. I need to make sure you're safe at all times, and right now. I don't like what I see. Now I'm not going to ask again."

"I was, get over it. I don't need you to look over me as if I'm some little kid anymore. So don't." I pulled away when I heard Dean.

"Are you coming back Russo? Or is Papa Russo against a little fun." I started for the door slowly, ignoring Justin's hard features.

"No, she's not." Justin said for me feeling his strong hands gripping me by the waist, pulling me back towards him. He picked me up and tossed me onto his shoulder. I kicked and pounded upon his back. "She's going home, and I suggest you do the same." Justin snapped I gasped at the sudden motions.

"Put me down, right, now, or so help me…" I screamed and he just started down the street.

"You'll what, tell mom?" He scoffed and I slouched, dead weight. He paused and sighed."Your ass is a real pain." Then continued home as I heard a car door slam shut, then a siren in the distance. **He didn't.**"Did you call-"

"Nope, but the school has a silent alarm. Told them to get out." I panicked.

"You're a fucking Dick!" I kicked him in the chest and he stopped, hissing under his breath.

"Language..." was all he had said the rest of the walk home. Once we were at the front door, he set me down. I then turned to him, and slapped him.

"**That's**, for hitting my boyfriend." I hissed and then punched him in the arm. "**That's**, for picking me up." I paused about to hit him again but he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head, shoving me into the wall almost roughly. I felt my insides churn and flutter. **_'The hell?'_** His hot breath bathed my face, he smelt of spearmint toothpaste and Deodorant. I could tell he had recently showered from the intoxicating scents that drowned my sense of smell.

_"Don't. Hit me. Again."_ He seethed hotly, his face was level with mine, and I couldn't move let alone breathe. **_'That look of anger was, dare I say sexy…' _**My cheeks filled with heat and I couldn't believe I had thought that. **_'He is your brother! You sick pervert…'_** He hadn't moved yet, he steel gray eyes burned my melted chocolate ones. I was in shock almost by his sudden outburst one me. "We are going to keep this secrete to ourselves, no one needs to know but us, if you promise not to do something like this again. _Especially_, the smoking. No more. Got it?" I just nodded, speechless. He backed away and went inside as I fallowed numbly.

"Why are you keeping things I do a secret from mom and dad?" I wondered aloud and he turned to shut the door behind me. "If it were Max he would be off at boot camp by now?" I looked at him and he just shook his head.

"Go to bed Alex." Before I could object, he was already up the stairs, probably in his room by now.

**_Sorry for the slow update, I had a very lazy long week. So here, hope this is okay, I had to start somewhere and hope this is okay. Review and let me know. Okay, and by the way, right now, Justin is 19 and Alex is 16. So, yeah. Love you guys. Oh and don't worry, her and Dean will break up next chapter. _**


	3. Left or Right

Alex's Point of View

Chapter Three: Left or Right

_Last Month_

_When Dean was suspended from school on the count of smoking on school grounds and breaking and entering, he didn't look twice at me. Also ticketed by the police for the same reasons he was suspended. My fault, because I had said I had a key to the school. Which I did not have at the time, nor was I there to defend Dean. This all led back to Justin in some way, the key, me leaving Dean alone, him not telling us why we should have left sooner._

_To tell you the truth the more I had thought about it, the more angry I had become, and surprisingly not at Justin. I was madder at myself then him, which had shocked me too. Not that Justin knew I wasn't really mad at him. That's what I made him think, acting as harsh as I could towards him. Picking upon him more than I normally would have and blaming him more._

_What I really was mad at, was that he was always there to fix my mistakes, as if he knew I was going to mess up. That pissed me off to no end. Therefore, I made messes on purpose so he had more work. I know I was acting childish and petty, but I was rebelling as much as possible in order to spite him. When Dean had left, I had filled the void with parties and more drugs. Justin was the one who had shoved Dean just out of my reach, so I felt no guilt in punishing him slightly._

_That is all that would take the hurt away, so I did it more often. Dean wasn't much, but he was all I had and after Justin gotten involved just once, he was gone as fast as he could get away._

_Justin had to save me countless times, from waking up in places I didn't recognize, to coming home high at three in the morning. How many times he was there to wipe away my caked on makeup and dress me into my pajamas putting me into my bed, or to clean the drugs out of my system before anyone had noticed.  
Sure, he would be furious with me at first, sometimes just hurt I would put myself through this repeatedly. I would shrug and he would clean me up for another day. I would poke at him for his reasoning behind helping me instead of just telling out parents, he would just say that I was his baby sister. He cared for me, but we both new, deep down, there was something more than that. Something deep and dark, yet we pushed aside those thoughts and continued with our lives._

_This last month had been chalked full of those kinds of nights, but in the morning of each day he had noticed I stopped smoking. Just, as he had ask. _

**Two Years and Eleven Months ago**

I felt my throat ache from thirst, my head pounding with pain, while a metallic tangy substance sat in my mouth. Running my thick dry tongue along a rip in my cheek, I slowly opened my eyes to a bright ray of sun bathing my face.

My eyes snapped shut trying to block out the painful light that emitted from the open window. The dulled pain in my cheek told me that I had accidentally bit myself; I slightly remember it in my drunken educed haze to tell you the truth. I was confused for a second as I reached out feeling my way around, when I felt an itchy rug underneath me I noted that I was upon the floor. Something nudged at me causing me to attempt to flinch away.

"Hey-" an unfamiliar voice called aloud causing me to moan lightly.

"... Shhhh..." was all I could bring myself to say. A shadow blocked the light from my vision and I opened my eyes slowly.

"Hun, it's time to go home." A woman covered in glitter with caked on makeup stood above me. "Clubs closed." Nodding I attempted to sit up and swayed. She bent over to help me to my feet. "Okay, are you well enough to make it on your own?" She sighed loudly.

"I'll be... fine." I whispered noting I needed something to get rid of this awful taste in my mouth. Blood mixed with vodka, normally it would be cigarettes, but a nagging source made me feel guilty. So yeah, I quit.

Stumbling out the front doors, I reached for my phone inside my shirt. Almost six in the morning, shit. I hit speed dial one and prayed he would answer. Making my way down the dirty ally, I leaned up against the cool brick wall.

"Alex... thank god you're okay." He exhaled uneasy. "Where are you?"

"Duhh'- I have... nooo clue." I closed my eyes and felt like puking. "Just woke up in some club..." he sighed.

"What club Alex?" He bit out and I inhaled deeply trying to stop the bile from rising.

"I- uh, Maxed..." I mumbled then hung up, leaning over I threw up tears bubbled in my blood shot eyes. I slid down the wall and onto the ground as my chapped lips trembled. I was alone, yet again. The parties, the drugs, the sex, and what had it mounted to anyways? Nothing good, I knew that much.  
Left turn, after left turn, and I here I was, sitting in a dirty ally in New York, a hot mess, tears and makeup running down my face, vomit on my shirt with no one to call but my older brother. Wow, I really was pathetic.

"Wait right here, okay?" A voice called and I knew at the second that it was Justin. "Alex?" I looked up to see his familiar silky black hair. When I saw that look of disappointment and pity maybe, I could tell he was beyond upset while he looked down at me; I felt disgusting and messy. We didn't even have to say a word to each other to know what we were both saying.

He just had sighed and bent down to pick me up. Tucking my face into his neck, I sniffled and closed my eyes. This, this was the reasons I truly had done all this crap. Waiting to see the one person who would notice I was in pain, even when I smiled at dinner or in class, even while talking to Harper. Out of everyone, only one person knew me well enough to know when _'I'm fine' _really meant, **'Save me…'**

**Later...**

Shifting lightly into the soft comfort of a blanket, I inhaled the familiar scents, recognizing them as my own. Opening my eyes to my own dimly lit room, in clean clothing and my hair still slightly damp, I remembered this morning. The cleaning, the pain, and the thick silence we fell into as we hid the evidence from my night's events. I saw a note upon my pillow next to me and sighed aloud. I grabbed it and tossed back my comforters. It looked like late afternoon or maybe almost nighttime.  
**_'Alex, told mom you were up throwing up last night, that maybe you caught the flu. We need to talk. - J'_**

When Justin told me we needed to talk, it was always serious and all sorts of depressing. I actively try to avoid, _'talks' _with him all together. On my way down stairs there he sat, alone at the island typing away at that laptop of his. It always made me smile to see his brow arched in concentration.

"You wanted to talk, _nerd_." I watched him spin around to see me and gave him a slightly smirk.

"Oh, you're awake?" he closed his laptop and looked around the room. "Yeah, I do, and you know what it is about." I sighed and made my way to the fridge. It pulled open with a rattling clank, while I could feel his eye roll.

"Shoot Dork-o, I'm all ears about the serious announcement of all my wrong doings in life." I reached for left over pizza in the box. He snorted and the got up from his spot around the island.

"No, it's not about, _all_, your wrong doings, _per se_." he then sighed. "I know I have said this before, but uh, I really would wish you would attempt to make better-"

"If that ends in '_choices with your life'_, don't even finish that statement." I snapped at him and took a bite of the cold slice of cheese pizza. "I've- heard this all before." I swallowed and then sat down at the island where he was sitting.

"Alex-"he inhaled deeply and I could tell this was now affecting him too. "Please-"he just whispered it, voice almost breaking and I stopped eating. _Thanks_, appetite **ruined**. "Think about the consequences if you drank too much one night, or- or you mixed too many drugs. I just- please." I nodded not able to say anything in reply to his pleads. "Don't go out tonight, I know I say this like every night, but let's just stay here and watch movies or like play video games."

'_I didn't want to go out tonight anyways' _I thought to myself and sighed. _'Liar… you know you want to stay home because of him.'_

"Why not, I haven't had a good night sleeps in like a long ass time." I gave a nervous chuckle and he just smiled at me. That one that always melted me from the inside out. I was now feeling guilty as hell as he nodded, relief washing his softening features. What was one night in?

**Author Note**

_OH MY GOD! You have no idea how sorry I am for not updating in like three long months. This came to me in like three hours and I forced myself to sit down and write this chapter. Tomorrow is like three other stories including Family party. I love you guys, and have an explanation for what happened. Okay first, had no internet for like two months. Nothing. Noda. Then right as we got it back computer gave out. Then we had to move and- and I know. Blah- Blah. I will be updating for this story again. Not giving a time line this time because I always find a way to disappoint my followers. _

_Let me know what you think of this and how the story is progressing. Love feed back so freaking much. You have no idea. REVIEW, if you love me. Ha. I know, I know. Review if you love… Justin and Alex love? Worth a try. Okay it's now three am. Sorry again. Much love. _


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